>You will never be a real Paper Mario game. You have no badges, you have no leveling system, you have no RPG mechanics. You are a dogshit, kneecapped, low effort, pun obsessed trainwreck, twisted by mandates and censorship into a crude mockery of TTYD and 64's perfection.

>All the “Good Metacritic scores” you get is two-faced and paid for. Behind your back people mock your cringy dialogue and gimmicky gameplay. Intelligent Systems is disgusted and ashamed of you, your “fans” laugh at your ghoulish, Depth of Field and bloom filled appearance behind closed doors.

>Gamers are utterly repulsed by you. Decades of gaming evolution have allowed gamers to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even ToK who “passes” with its soulless, unoriginal "companions" looks uncanny and unnatural to a gamer. Your story structure is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a drunk gamer to finish a level of this tripe, he’ll turn tail and bolt the second he finds out the boss at the end of the level is a fucking roll of tape.

>You will never be comfy vidya. You wrench out a fake smile every single morning and tell yourself "W-who wants a fun adventure in a game, g-gimmicks keep things fresh", but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a Piranha Plant, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight.

>Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a GCN, plop in TYYD, turn it on, and plunge into a light hearted, funny, charming adventure. Your Nu-Paper Mario friends will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable cope. They’ll bury SS, CS, and ToK with a headstone marked "shit games" and every p@ 55 erby for the rest of eternity will know a murdered franchise is buried there. The disk rot will take over, and all that will remain of its legacy are games that are unmistakably shit.

>This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.